The Cataract, the Vacuum Cleaner, and the Semicolon

Posted on by M.K. Waller in family, Humor, Uncategorized, writing
Blue vacuum cleaner
Blue vacuum cleaner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This afternoon, I shall present myself at the ophthalmologist’s office, where I will be measured, Valiumed up, awakened from a peaceful sleep on the waiting room sofa, cattle-prodded down the hall to the operating room, punctured, divested of a cataract, invested with a shiny new lens, wobbled back to the waiting room, and driven home, thence to crash on the sofa until further notice.

Isn’t that a lovely sentence? I wish the writer who told me to stop composing sentences requiring semicolons could see it. Not a semicolon in sight.

My critic said readers wouldn’t understand semicolons. I countered (mentally) that I hoped for readers who could unravel more than a simple declarative sentence, and if I couldn’t get them, I would give up writing and instead take conversational Spanish or annoy another voice teacher. But I have cut down on semicolons.

She also told me not to digress. One out of two isn’t bad.

Anyway. That was the procedure with LASIK, except for the puncture, the cataract, and the new lens. This time the doctor will use a vacuum cleaner. Doesn’t sound appetizing. The trade-off is that I won’t be disturbed by the smell of burning flesh–mine–from the laser. I’m to wear warm clothes because the operating room is cold. In the midst of this 75-degree winter, cold will be a relief. Friends have told me there will be heated blankets, but the doctor didn’t mention those, so I will take a sweater. I’ll have to take off my shoes, so I’ve also set aside a pair of socks the cats haven’t gnawed holes in.

Although by the time the Valium has taken hold, I won’t be able to read a compound-complex sentence, and I won’t care what the cats have done.

*

Note: A friend told me my impending surgery was announced on Facebook yesterday afternoon. I didn’t intend to announce it, and I don’t remember announcing it. Well, whatever. Since the story was already bouncing around in cyberspace, I thought I might as well make a post out of it. This evening, I might not think it so amusing.

Related Articles

16 thoughts on “The Cataract, the Vacuum Cleaner, and the Semicolon”

  1. The world will seem so much brighter…it always was but we just could not see it!
    I had both eyes done two weeks apart…and now have had secondary cataracts removed or clouding….did not hurt one bit.

    Hope you are all well by today’s end.

    Like

    1. Thanks much. I don’t notice vision problems during the day, but it’s not so good at night. And I hate having to have my husband cart me around. It’ll be nice to drive myself to critique group meetings again.

      Like

  2. Best of luck today! Haven’t had it done (yet) but friends all report it to be easy with wonderful results. Sit back, relax and be gentle with yourself. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you. Maybe you’ll get to skip this one. Years ago when my doctor was examining my mother’s eyes, he had me look at her cataract because “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” I just didn’t expect the apple to fall this soon. 🙂

      Like

    1. Thank you for the good wishes. I expect to be up and running by tomorrow at the latest.

      Casey aka Red’s post is delightful. William wants to reply as soon as he wakes from his nap. As yet, I’m not sure which nap that will be.

      Like

    2. In the midst of chaos, getting ready to leave for the OR, I’m smiling–thanks to you. Wonder whether I should pass your message on to the doctor. 🙂

      Like

  8. Kathy, I worked for an ophthalmologist for almost 5 years. I always wished I could get cataracts for the great vision lens implants promised! Glad you are doing well!

    Like

Comments are closed.