Brightly colored instruments of torture, heavier than they look.
More colorful double-dealers.
For strengthening the core. Deceptively innocent in appearance, but treacherous at its core. One mission: to unseat the trusting rider. Passive-aggressive.
For strengthening the cardio-pulmonary system. Old technology corrupted by new. See below.
Digital conspiracy #1: Information dump–time, speed,calories, watts, resistance, heart rate–heart rate? None detected. So much for cardio.
Digital conspiracy #2: TV monitor/pacifier. Vast wasteland pulls cyclist in, won’t let go. Twenty-minute rep turns into forty. Dr. Phil. “Shape It Up, Woo Woo!” (I did not make that up. It’s in Wikipedia.)
Vile trickery. Toil masquerading as recreation. It seemed like fun. Too long did I tarry.
1. When the trainer says to do 12 of something, do 12. Don’t do 30.
2. When you’re counting, pay attention. If you think you’ve done 12, don’t do another 8 or 10 just to make sure.
3. When the trainer says to go home and ice something, go home and ice it. Don’t forget and then decided it’ll probably loosen up and resume bending of its own accord.
4. When the sky opens and water pours onto the parking lot only three minutes before your cardio session is set to end, don’t just keep pedaling until the downpour stops. That’s too much pedaling.
5. Curb your enthusiasm. Stop doing more than the trainer and your brain tell you to. OCDs do not win. They just go home and ice things.