Brightly colored instruments of torture, heavier than they look.
More colorful double-dealers.
For strengthening the core. Deceptively innocent in appearance, but treacherous at its core. One mission: to unseat the trusting rider. Passive-aggressive.
For strengthening the cardio-pulmonary system. Old technology corrupted by new. See below.
Digital conspiracy #1: Information dump–time, speed,calories, watts, resistance, heart rate–heart rate? None detected. So much for cardio.
Digital conspiracy #2: TV monitor/pacifier. Vast wasteland pulls cyclist in, won’t let go. Twenty-minute rep turns into forty. Dr. Phil. “Shape It Up, Woo Woo!” (I did not make that up. It’s in Wikipedia.)
Vile trickery. Toil masquerading as recreation. It seemed like fun. Too long did I tarry.
Today’s lessons:
1. When the trainer says to do 12 of something, do 12. Don’t do 30.
2. When you’re counting, pay attention. If you think you’ve done 12, don’t do another 8 or 10 just to make sure.
3. When the trainer says to go home and ice something, go home and ice it. Don’t forget and then decided it’ll probably loosen up and resume bending of its own accord.
4. When the sky opens and water pours onto the parking lot only three minutes before your cardio session is set to end, don’t just keep pedaling until the downpour stops. That’s too much pedaling.
5. Curb your enthusiasm. Stop doing more than the trainer and your brain tell you to. OCDs do not win. They just go home and ice things.
Kathy Waller 
Ha ha…..love it! Must confess, I woke up singing, “You’ve got to move it, move it!” By tomorrow…..I will be lucky if I can move at all…but your writing moved me. Thank you.
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Dear HRobertson, I’m glad my writing moved you, because it hasn’t done much to get me up and moving the day after. However, the head guru, who has a PT background, thank goodness, told me to exercise only every other day so micro-tears in muscles can heal, and to exercise no more than 30 minutes when I’m there. I wish I’d obeyed order #2.
I hope you’ll be up and at ’em tomorrow with no negative complications.
K.
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Excellent commentary. I’ve been thinking about joining and gym. I’ll make sure to think about this long an hard now. Hilarious!!!
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Thank you. Join the gym. It’ll keep you from suddenly going supine on the Red Line en route to Bethesda. And it’s a lot more fun than I’ve described it of course. The hard part is getting up going there in the first place. Just don’t go overboard, and don’t hyperextend your knees. Or anything else.
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