Someone sent me a squirrel.
If I wanted to know who sent it, Facebook said, I had to send squirrels to sixteen other people.
I have more than sixteen FB friends, but I wasn’t sure they wanted squirrels. In fact, I was afraid they might be offended or, worse yet, think I was trying to attract undue attention. Or, worse than that, think I wanted them to send me a squirrel by return click.
I didn’t want to be unfriended over an unwelcome rodent.
But I wanted to know who sent the squirrel, so I tried to outwit the system. I clicked on three names–teenagers I thought might like being singled out for the honor–and sent them squirrels. Then I clicked on the link promising to identify my benefactor.
The resulting page complained that I hadn’t followed instructions. “Sixteen people” means sixteen people. I was thirteen short. Until I sent squirrels to those thirteen, my squirrel-giver would remain anonymous.
A footnote, however, contained an out. If I didn’t want to bestow squirrels on the majority of my friends list, but still wanted to know whence mine came, I could do so by acquiring Giftie Credits.
Curious, I pursued this option.
Curiosity waned when I discovered that Giftie Credits come with a price.
I could get 160 Giftie Credits for ten dollars.
Or I could perform certain actions:
- subscribing to a DVD service would bring me 317 Giftie Credits;
- participating in a trial of green tea would bring 455 Giftie Credits;
- ordering a trial something-or-other designed to allay my fear of wearing a bikini next summer would net 380 Giftie Credits.
Because I get DVDs from Netflix, don’t care that much for green tea, and don’t own a bikini, I declined those offers.
The “FREE Slim Seduction Trial”–408 GCs–sounded interesting but didn’t seem practical, so I passed that up as well.
Instead, I slid the pointer up to the toolbar and flew to my very own Facebook Home page, where commerce does not dwell.
When I joined Facebook, I intended to keep up with family, friends, and my old paralegal school. I wanted to make professional contacts. I thought I might get in touch with former students and co-workers. I expected to read about piano recitals, graduations, and book signings.
I didn’t expect the squirrel.
And I still don’t know who sent it.
In fact, I haven’t even seen the little devil. I’m sure he, or she, is as cute as a bug, probably a lot like Perri on the cover of the Disney LP I had when I was eight. But I don’t know where he is or where he came from.
Not knowing isn’t acceptable. I want answers. I don’t like to be left hanging.
I shall try to be patient. Perhaps in time the craving will dissipate.
But if it doesn’t–if the desire to know becomes unbearable–I might be forced to check out the Slim Seduction Trial.
With 408 Giftie Credits, I could send a lot of squirrels.
“Squirrels and Seduction” appeared in Whiskertips in 2009. An updated, revised, and corrected version appears here at the request of my most ardent fan, who does not want to write a post from scratch tonight.
Image by Dave-F, used under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license, via flickr.com.
6 thoughts on “Day 10: Squirrels and seduction”
I’d go on your squirrel list.
This is a peerless post and I’m not surprised it is back by popular request.
Those marketing folks sure know what they’re doing, don’t they? Baton on he squirrel on the front and it’s a done deal. If you and I ever get into serious print I think the squirrel is a must on the front cover.
Oh, thank you. I’ll send one only under the most extreme circumstances.
That’s a good idea about putting the squirrel on the cover. The Collected Posts of Kate and Kathy. It has a ring to it.
We’d have to make sure the squirrel didn’t bleed us dry for royalties though….
I’ve heard they can be greedy. Perhaps a reasonable percentage plus a nice oak sapling suitable for planting?
Oh, you pushed my Facebook button! I tend to be a bit of a Luddite about Facebook. I joined for the same reason as you.My family and actual friends know that I don’t do apps. Aside from the documented fact that apps are potentially huge security risks, I don’t have time for them!
Truth is, I don’t have time for Facebook. If that’s what it takes to make it big, I’ll stay little. It’s hard enough to find time to write without hourly trips to Farmville. And what clever and seductive lures to get you to spend actuall cash.
Thank you for not sending me a squirrel.
You’re welcome. I think I have the apps locked down so I won’t be sending anyone a squirrel.
Much has been made of the genius of the FB creator, but I’m saving that designation for the person who creates a network that makes privacy a priority and securing information a straightforward process. That’s my curmudgeonly statement for the day, I guess, but every time I think I have the settings right, I read an article that says I’ve missed a step. Bah. Humbug.
I can’t make it big on FB anyway. I’m too reticent (shy) to friend people, so they either don’t know I’m there or assume I don’t want to be friends. Thus my circle remains small.
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