What I Learned from Ernest Hemingway, Plus a Photo of Gregory Peck, Plus Snakes

What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?*

***

To Write, etc., has been dormant for a while because I’ve been (a) playing spider solitaire, and (b) working on two pieces of literature:

(1) a story entitled “When Cheese Is Love,” which needs to be 5,000 words but is currently 6,200 words, necessitating radical surgery and the murders of a few darlings; and,

(2) a post for the Austin Mystery Writers blog that would have been online last Monday had I not suffered at tiny fall (and, no, I’m not going to tell how it happened), which rendered me indisposed for just long enough to figure out the post wasn’t coming together as I wanted because I was trying to write about two different topics at once.

I can’t complain about an indisposition that allows me time to realize the first half of a post I’ve drafted says one thing and the second half contradicts it.

My next project will appear right here on To Write, etc. It is tentatively entitled “Snakes I Have Known.”

I spent this evening telling snake stories on Facebook and suddenly realized–it’s like that chapter in For Whom the Bell Tollsno, it’s in “The Snows of Kilimanjaro,” actually–where Hemingway wastes a lot of material writing about what his character would never write:

Now he would never write the things that he had saved to write until he knew enough to write them well. . .

***

He remembered the good times with them all, and the quarrels. They always picked the finest places to have the quarrels. And why had they always quarrelled when he was feeling best? He had never written any of that . . .

***

No, he had never written about Paris. Not the Paris that he cared about. But what about the rest that he had never written?

What about the ranch and the silvered gray of the sage brush, the quick, clear water in the irrigation ditches, and the heavy green of the alfalfa. The trail went up into the hills and the cattle in the summer were shy as deer. . . 

About the half-wit chore boy who was left at the ranch that time and told not to let any one get any hay, and that old bastard from the Forks who had beaten the boy when he had worked for him stopping to get some feed. The boy refusing and the old man saying he would beat him again. The boy got the rifle from the kitchen and shot him when he tried to come into the barn . . . 

So there it is. Hemingway threw away all those stories by putting them inside of a dying character thinking about the stories he will never write.

And Hemingway never wrote them either. He wrote about them. What a waste.**

Heaven forfend that I should meet a similar fate. I’m not going to write about those snake stories. I’m going to write them.

So watch this space.

In case you don’t care for snakes, don’t worry–I won’t include pictures of them. And no one will be bitten. All my snake stories are true, but I kept my distance while they were happening.

***

*The question is rhetorical and appears only because I’m feeling whimsical. And because this is  my blog and nobody’s grading it and I can do whatever I please. So there.

**For most of this post, my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek, but this paragraph comes from the heart. It’s sad that Hemingway left stories untold. It’s sad that any writer does that. And I guess they all do.

Texas #1! If Football Doesn’t Get You, the Turkey Will

American football line of scrimmage, prior to ...
American football line of scrimmage, prior to a play (Photo credit: Wikipedia) 

By No machine-readable author provided. Johntex~commonswiki assumed (based on copyright claims). [GFDL CC-BY-SA-3.0 or CC BY 2.5 , via Wikimedia Commons

 

Remember when Murphy Brown and her colleagues cooked and served Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter, and Miles brought in a bunch of live turkeys in his BMW (nobody had specified they were to be ready for the oven, and on arrival the inside of the BMW was not in good shape), and the turkeys ran all around the kitchen, and no one wanted to kill them anyway, and the turkeys refused to stick their heads in the oven so Murphy could turn on the gas (her suggestion)?

I don’t know what happened next. I was laughing at the turkeys and couldn’t pay attention. All I remember is the whole thing slid downhill fast.

Well. It could have been a whole lot worse. To see how, read “When Turkeys Strike Back,” by K. B. Owen, historical mystery writer.

And, Texans, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

 

 

 

Photo Challenge: Dialogue #2: Socks

2014-09-03 010The photo display below illustrates what happens when the photographer reads the rules but immediately forgets them. Instead of photos engaged in dialogue, she shoots photos of objects engaged in dialogue.

It also shows what happens when one sock of each pair is eaten by the dryer: Those left behind have nothing to do but sit around and talk.

If there’s any justice in this world, this will be the last inane piece I’ll post, at least for a while. The previous post spotlighting the filthy mouse appeared because I was trying to attach my blog to Bloglovin‘ and wasn’t sure it would work, and I wanted to do more than post a possibly unworkable link. And after reading reams of instructions and not being convinced I understood them, I was disgusted enough to advertise the state of my refrigerator’s underside. I do move the appliance to mop, but I’m not compulsive about it. And I don’t want to offend by tossing my children’s favorite toy. Unfortunately, sponging mousie off does nothing for its appearance.

WordPress advises not to post when you have nothing to say. Once more I’ve violated the rule. Forgive me. As atonement, I offer socks and a cat.*

Also, please forgive the sock with the hole. I don’t wear it unless I want to make a statement. Then I pair it with the adjacent mismatch. I’m not comfortable that way, but people know that I’m my own person and that I have no shame.

See what other photographers have posted to this week’s photo challenge here.

 

*Sometimes, like around midnight, I post from impulse. Sometimes I’m just weak.

 

The House

Only Day 2, and I’m already tempted to drop out of Writing 101.

Yesterday I had all day. I started early, ignored the instructions and wrote what and how I wanted, and took my time doing it. Fine.

Today I had both morning and afternoon meetings, and now I’m as tired as I was when I had an eight-to-five job. In addition, I don’t like the topic. There’s no place I want to beam up to right now except bed.  I’m trying to get my sleep patterns straightened out, and I can’t do that if I stay up writing.

Furthermore–and this the heart of the matter–I don’t like doing descriptive writing. I’m not good at it. When reading, I often skim or skip. I miss a lot of great prose, I know, but I prefer to get on to what the characters are doing. A professor remarked that Hemingway‘s description of the scenery during a drive through the Pyrenees in The Sun Also Rises was some of the finest writing in the English language. We had just read the novel. I tried to look as if I agreed about the quality of the description I hadn’t noticed.

 Now that I’ve expressed my discontent with the topic, I’ll move on to a place I memorized:

My great-grandmother’s house two blocks from the house where I grew up. After you cross FM 20, the street angles off toward the left, and the one house and the foliage between hid Grandmama’s house from ours. The houses weren’t far apart, but when you crossed the two-lane road we called “the highway,” and the street made that little jog you felt like you were in a different part of town altogether.

 My great-grandmother died three years before I was born. When I was a child I called it “Aunt Ethel’s house” for the great-aunt who lived there. When my uncle inherited it, it became “Donald’s house.” My father, who, with his four brothers, had lived there as a child, after his mother died called it simply “the house.” “I’m going up to the house,” he would say. No one ever asked him to explain.

 It sat on the corner a block from Main Street, a white frame house with a big front porch. At each end a door led to a bedroom; the door to the living room was in the middle. Queen’s crown growing up the brick supports (pillars and columns sound too grand) and provided shade in summer and sometimes a measure of privacy. Inside there was no privacy at all: there were lots of windows, and most rooms had french doors. That they had sheers was little comfort. When we spent the night there once, my mother commented it was like living in a fish bowl. Surrounded by trees, it was hot in summer. On winter nights, when propane space heaters were turned off, it was absolutely freezing.

While my father called it “the house,” my mother called it “Grand Central Station.” Two of Grandmama’s sons lived across the street. Their children and grandchildren were in and out all day. Some walked in through the front door, stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water, and walked out the back without saying Hello. (I always said Hello.) When there was a funeral, four generations met there for lunch, sitting in the dining room, spilling out onto the front porch and the back yard. Those who lived there gathered there in the evenings. Mother offended my father early in their marriage by saying she’d rather stay home and listen to Jack Benny on the radio.

 By the time I was out of high school, things had changed. For the first time, I knocked on the door before walking in. The house was no longer a gathering place. Later, it passed out of the family, and none of us went there at all.

 Several years ago, I was invited back. An estate sale had been scheduled, and the auctioneer, knowing that many things there had been in my family for years, allowed me to come in for a pre-sale sale. I bought an old china cheese keeper that my mother had coveted, and some demitasse spoons from what had probably been Grandmama’s first set of flatware, and a place setting of the flatware used daily when I was a child, entirely utilitarian and, in my opinion, about the ugliest pattern imaginable.

It was strange being back after all those years. I remembered huge bedrooms, huge living room and dining room . . . Everything had shrunk. Except the porch. There was still room for several card tables of domino-playing ladies on summer afternoons.

For years, I felt as if that house belonged as much to me as to the great-aunts and the uncle who lived there. When it passed into new hands, I was sad. But it was a house. People had made it special.

The house was sold. My memories were not.

*****

Recently, the house was sold again, this time to a friend. I’m pleased to know it’s in good hands.

Writing Competitions and Opportunities Digest – Edition 12

Limebird Writers post a list of contests and opportunities for writers. Search the archives for previous editions. Thanks, Limebird Writers.

limebirdvanessa's avatarLimebird Writers

Welcome to the 12th edition of our weekly selection of writing competitions and opportunities.

How would you like to be published in a magazine that has previously published original fiction by the likes of Thomas Hardy and F Scott Fitzgerald? You would? Then have a look at the first one below for details.

If you missed the last edition of our digest, you can view it here.

——————

Opportunity type – Short story competition.
Theme – Spring.
Word count – Up to 3,000 words.
Organiser/publisher – Harper’s Bazaar magazine.
Reward – “The winning entry will appear in the May 2014 issue. Its author will be able to choose a first-edition book from Asprey’s Fine and Rare Books Department to the value of £3,000 and enjoy a week-long retreat at Eilean Shona House, on the 2,000-acre private island off the west coast of Scotland where JM Barrie wrote his screenplay for…

View original post 299 more words

To All My Blogger Friends

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions
Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions--Image via Wikipedia--Note: DISGUST is in pink, right between BOREDOM and LOATHING

Dear Blogger Bloggers,

For the past several weeks I have tried repeatedly to comment on your posts, but Blogger has repeatedly refused to accept my comments. Word verification is the hang-up: the letters I type never match the letters I’m told to type, no matter how many times I type them. And proof them.

I’m finished with waiting for the problem to fix itself. I’ll report it to Blogger. In the meantime, I’m sending harmonious vibrations your way.

Disgustedly* yours,

KW

*With Blogger, not with you.

Image by Machine Elf 1735 (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

#ROW80 11.13, NaNo, & Viral Accord

Ampersand in plain and italics.
Image via Wikipedia

NaNoWriMo / ROW80 update:

I’ve been working on Molly but haven’t been averaging the 1667 words per day required to reach the target by the end of November.

According to the NaNo stats page, at my current rate, I’ll reach 50,000 words on September 28, 2015.

But there is hope—if I write 2,753 words each and every day for the rest of the month.

Is it possible to write 2,753 words in one day? Of course. Call it a blog post and I’ll write twice that.

*

Sick of staring at Times New Roman, I switched to Accord SF.

Now MS Word 2007 asserts it independence by saving Accord SF in italics. The italics icon on the toolbar, however, isn’t highlighted, and no amount of clicking or unclicking it affects the text. Nothing affects the text. It’s in italics and it’s going to stay that way.

I think the dysfunction is related to repeated crashing of blog documents several weeks ago. I saved in Accord SF but after each crash reopened to italicized Accord SF. Why italics have leaked over into text documents, I cannot say.

If anyone can shed light on this case, please feel free. In the interim, and probably forever, I’ll be using Open Office, which I like better anyway.

Except for blog posts. I don’t have time or patience to read the OO instructions. And Word blog format is on its best behavior.

*

They say the secret to winning NaNoWriMo is Never Delete.

That’s not my way. I revise as I go. Like this:

Word word word word word word word Delete delete delete Different word different word different word Word word Delete Different word…

It’s slow, but my OCD feels comfortable with it.

NaNo, however, despises it.

NaNo likes something like the following:

Word word word word Wrong word Right word Word word word word Wrong word Wrong word Wrong word Right word Right word Wrong word…

Which just drives me up the wall.

*

I saved. Word crashed. I reopened to italics.

What it will look like when it’s published to WordPress I won’t try to predict.

Just once, I would like to live through a day in which I don’t have to eat my words, my hat, or a large portion of crow.


Regarding Kate Shrewsday

Nicolas Régnier: Allegory of Vanity — Pandora,...
Allegory of Vanity--Pandora, c. 1626. Nicolas Regnier--Image via Wikipedia

Kate Shrewsday blogs at http://kateshrewsday.wordpress.com. She has recently become part of the UK’s Huffington Post blogging team.

Her posts are interesting, entertaining, thought-provoking, always witty. She ranges widely in choice of topic: family, pets, art, science, history, philosophy, sports, vacuum cleaners.

Kate’s special talent is the ability to make connections: What does Greek mythology have to do with quantum physics? Read “The Pandora/Shrodinger Paradigm” and find out.

While you’re there, rummage around. Take particular care to read the posts about her dog, Macaulay, who looks just like my Tramp.

Furthermore—and this is important—seek her out on Huffington Post UK. Here’s a link to her page: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-shrewsday

And after reading, take time to comment, or like, or tweet, or something.

We know Kate is an extraordinary writer. We should let HP know that we know it.

*

Here are links to other of Kate’s posts I’ve enjoyed, including several about Macaulay.

Philistine
Telekinetic Dog
Clear Water
Sniff
More Haste, Less Speed
Ten Thousand Years Old
Something in the Air
Tuppy
Proposal
Extension

*

FTC Disclaimer: This post appears as a favor to my readers. Kate had no idea I was posting it, and she may not know to this very day. Consequently, nothing she has said or done, or could say or do, has influenced what I have written. Inclusion of this disclaimer may not be necessary here—that rule may apply only to reviews of books and not of blogs—to stay on the good side of the Federal Trade Commission, I’ll gladly write the extra paragraph.

*

Allegory of Vanity–Pandora media file is in the public domain in the United States. This applies to U.S. works where the copyright has expired, often because its first publication occurred prior to January 1, 1923. See this page for further explanation.




And is it gone, yes it is gone, alas

Hamlet_viliam.jpg
Image via Wikipedia

I was about 500 words into a post about Kaye George’s new novel, Choke: An Imogene Duckworthy Mystery, when, upon clicking Save Draft, I received an error message I’d never seen before.

Then I discovered I was logged into HOTSHOTS!, the local Sisters in Crime chapter’s newsletter, and was, in effect, about to post on the wrong blog. The Sisters probably wouldn’t have approved.

Grateful for the error message, I tried to get back to the draft so I could cut and paste it into To write is to write is to write.

Guess what. It wasn’t there. Sometimes To write is not to write.

Sounds downright Shakespearean, doesn’t it?

Never mind.

I then logged into To write, etc., and rummaged around to see whether the vanished draft had somehow landed here. Stranger things have happened. But not this time.

So. I shall behave with my usual grace under pressure. I shan’t say mean things about anyone. Or anything. Or lament the loss of that most excellent essay.

I shall instead close up shop and go to bed.

If, tomorrow, I can bring myself to start again, I shall, but with the knowledge that any attempt to match the quality of the original is futile.

That piece was dead brilliant.

Technical Difficulties

Surge and noise protector. Most hV6.
Image via Wikipedia

WordPress reports technical difficulties and has given postaday2011 bloggers a pass for today.

Since I fell off that wagon several weeks ago, I wouldn’t feel right accepting it.

I’ve had technical difficulties, too.

The laptop periodically slips off the network–who knows why–and I have to reconnect it. Usually I can get by with turning off the wireless switch, finding a job that doesn’t require web access, and turning the switch back on.

Sometimes I have to reboot the router.

Today neither of those remedies worked, no matter how many times I tried them. Rebooting everything else didn’t work either. Before I was through, I had no Internet access at all.

Somewhere between router reboots 15 and 19, I realized the little On/Off switch on the surge protector the router was plugged into displayed the same color in the On position as in the Off.

I was ever so glad I hadn’t summoned tech support. I’ve heard they can be rather sharp with customers whose  malfunctions result from inadequate juice.

That’s where glad ended, however.

Loss of connectivity transported me mentally to the post-network days at the library. Every time we went offline, staff members deflated. We sat, arms at our sides, hands in our laps, eyes empty and glazed, and said, “The Internet is dooooowwwwwwwwwwwn. We can’t doooooooooooo anything without the Internet.”

Before we got back online, someone generally remembered that processing and shelving books, running overdue notices, reading reviews, and a host of other activities didn’t require web access, and we hauled ourselves up and got busy.

But the trauma lingers. Eight years later, flashbacks persist.

This afternoon, after diagnosing the problem, I made my way to Office Depot, purchased a new surge protector, brought it home, unplugged and replugged, and prepared to live happily ever after.

But I didn’t.

Half the problem had gone away, but the other half–my half–was still there. My network wasn’t even broadcasting.

So when David arrived home from work–after he had lugged the new box of paper from my car to the house–I apprised him of the situation. He reinstalled the router. I reconnected.

End of story.

Except for these addenda:

1. I haven’t always been a technology wimp. I once had charge of a covey of computers, and while my knowledge was horrendously incomplete, I fixed things now and then. I knew how to back up a server and run utilities and jiggle a lot of things to make them go. I even had a week of Microsoft training. It went in one ear and out the other, but I had it. Now, however, my best effort at tech work is hollering, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-vid. Something must be done about that.

2. I feel no animosity toward WordPress. Things happen. They give me this lovely platform to exercise my freedom of speech and expect nothing in return. And when I have a problem, they fix it and send me a polite e-note. I wish them well and pray they have everything securely backed up.

*****

Image of surge protector by Paranoid at en.wikipedia [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons.

Day 6: Just do it.

11:35 p.m.

T-minus 25

This has been a long day. I’ll get to the point.

Here are some blogs you should check out.

1. Kate Shrewsday.

2. Being Me–Beliefs, Blessings and Blunders.

3. SE Witschorke, Middle Grade and Young Adult Author.

Running late again. Details later. For now, yours not to question why, yours but to take good advice when it’s offered.

Another fine mess…

Did you know that when you edit a monthly newsletter, you have to produce a newsletter every single month?

Well, you do.

You don’t publish an August issue and then just rest on your laurels.

 

In thirty days–fewer than that in February–another month rolls around, and you’re supposed to come up with something new. People expect it. They don’t want to read about last month.

Truly, there is no rest for the weary. Or for the wicked.
I am wicked.
I moan and whinge about the drudgery–Double, double toil and trouble–but once I start working, I also start having fun. I lose track of time. The latest issue missed my self-imposed deadline not just because the computer fell by the wayside, but because I kept tweaking: a link here, a comma there, delete this, insert that, bold this, italicize that, change black to red, red to black.
Eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat, tongue of dog…

 With fire burning and cauldron bubbling, and so many poisoned entrails, as well as thesaurus.com, at my disposal, I didn’t want to call it quits. Once again, I stayed up later than late, but I wasn’t laboring. I was playing. Concocting a brand new potion. Elixir. Charm. Beguilement.

If you want the pure, unadulterated version of my writing process, there it is.

And in a couple of weeks, it’s back to the cauldron again.

This time, though, there’s potential for sanity.

For the past couple of months, the assistant editor and I have been running as fast as we could to stay in the same place. Before the next issue comes out, we’re going to meet, discuss goals, nail down a format. I’ll show her what I can about using WordPress. She’ll come up with more good ideas. I’ll write them down so I won’t forget.

After we confer, the whingeing could abate.

But it won’t.

Because, contrary to decades of experience, I think I can do everything in five minutes.

Because my brain kicks in–really–at the last minute.

Because I do my best work–really–between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m.

Because I have these flashes of cock-eyed optimism that temporarily override my normally rational, pessimistic nature.

Because I like to whinge.

I mean, what do you think those Weird Sisters were doing, stirring that cauldron, waiting for Macbeth to wander in for a consultation? They were whingeing. It’s a good Scottish word, and they were Scottish Sisters, and, no matter how much pleasure they derived from their culinary endeavour, they’d been standing over a hot stove all night. Furthermore, quality frog toes aren’t easy to come by. What’s not to whinge about.

So expect no change. Proper prior planning may prevent weariness, but it won’t improve my character.

I’m wicked. And it’s comfortable. And I think it’s what I want to be.

********************

It’s not an excuse. It’s a reason.

The last time William appeared here, he had sat on the keyboard and turned the working title into gobbledygook.

I suppose tonight’s activity is progress.

Yes, I know it’s progress. Because a year ago at this time, his hobby was lying across my lap and biting my fingers. Lunge-chomp-lunge-chomp. Tonight he’s helping.

But Just for the Hell of it Writers meets tomorrow morning, and my promise (to myself) to finish my critique chapter early and, for once, get to bed at a reasonable hour is vaporizing even as I type.

Especially since I took a half-hour out of the evening to prepare this post. That’s okay. It was necessary. I needed a break.

I also needed to memorialize this event so in a couple of years I can look back and say, Wasn’t that darling of him?

Because it’ll be a couple of years before I think so.

***********************

Note: That isn’t dust. We have a super-duper fancy two-toned gray-and-black keyboard.

***********************

Update: Two hours later: I heard growling and turned to find William and Ernest arguing over a cricket. Ernest grabbed it and shot up the stairs. I grabbed a paper towel and ran after him, hissing, “Spititoutspititoutspititout.” At the first landing, after some indecision, he let it go. The cricket is no more. David was asleep but probably isn’t now.

The best thing about blogs

…is that you can fix them.

This morning, while reading through the previous post, I noticed several phrases I didn’t like. If I’d let the piece sit for a few days, I might have discarded them instead of allowing them to become public.

No matter. With a click of the Edit Post button, I deleted them and substituted something better.

If I decide something better is actually worse, I can click again and make other arrangements. I can do that now or tomorrow or next year. As long as WordPress, my Internet provider, and I hold out, I can revise to my heart’s content.

I can fix that first predicate to conform to the rule given me by my high school English teacher at Prairie Lea High School (Hi, Patsy): Don’t use second person.

…is that they can be fixed.

I can fix the revised predicate to conform to the other rule given me by my high school English teacher: Avoid passive voice.

…is that the blogger can fix them.

I can fix the second revised predicate to conform to the rule given me by Strunk and White, my paralegal school instructors at the University of Texas at San Antonio, and my mother: Don’t use that to introduce a noun clause.

…is the blogger can fix them. [I contend {that} this rule must be used on a case-by-case basis.]

I can fix the third revised predicate to conform to the rule given me by my fourth grade teacher at North Heights Elementary School: I don’t want you using easy little words when you write sentences, either. I want you to use big words, like contraction and determine.

…is the blogger can revisit and make alterations to them, and in so doing refine and expand upon his original meaning.

I can fix the fourth revised predicate to conform to the rule given me by Ken Macrorie at the Bread Loaf School of English: Don’t be stuffy. Stop writing Engfish.

…is that you can fix them.

I can even decide that my mother, my paralegal school instructors, and Strunk and White are correct about that:

…is you can fix them.

And if in the far distant future I look back on this post and realize it’s drivel, I can delete it altogether.

In fact, I can wipe out the entire blog.

The best thing about this blog is that it’s mine.

Cross-posting again

Yes, I did it. I cross-posted.

I wrote “Try, Try Again” for Whiskertips. Then, because it was about writing, I posted it on write is to write is to write as well.

I didn’t even retype it. I copied and pasted.

To those kind people who read both blogs, I offer my apologies. To those who saw the two blogs with the same post title listed together on the SCN Blogging Circle page, I offer my confession of how foolish I felt when I saw that.

To everyone, I offer advance notice that in just a few minutes, I’m going to do it again.